Meet the Real Me || FPV

Hi, my name is Allie (she/her) and I am so excited to finally come out and openly share my true self with all of you :)

I know for a lot of you this is probably one of the first times you’ve met or interacted with a trans person, and that these changes are going to take some time to get used to. I only ask that you please approach everything with an empathic, open mind. Keep this a safe space that is free from hate, and please show kindness and respect to everyone.

Thank you all so much for always showing me so much love and support, and I really hope to see you again soon :)

(CW: gender dysphoria, childhood trauma, suicidal thoughts.)

If you are ever in crisis, please know that there are many ways to get in touch with a supportive, caring person who is able to just listen and be there for you when you need it most, and provide a safe space without any judgement while helping you to process your feelings. In the US the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available to call or text, (you can also chat at https://988lifeline.org). For LGBTQ youth in the US and Mexico, The Trevor Project is always available to support you. Find out more at https://thetrevorproject.org

I honestly didn’t think I would ever live to see this day. I first came out as a trans girl to my mom when I was 5 years old. It was the early 90s; she didn’t know anything about what being trans really meant, and so she told me “Well, that’s fine, but when people find out they are going to think you are weird, your life is going to be much harder, and nobody is going to want to be your friend.”

This fear of rejection has fueled an unbelievable lack of confidence in myself and filled me with self-doubt from that day on. At least three times since the start of my teenage years I would build up entire wardrobes of cute clothes only to rid myself of them in a moment filled with dysphoric self-hatred and anguish. I tried for over 25 years to bury these feelings, to erase this part of me I had been led to believe was something bad, and only exist in the form that mainstream society had deemed to be my fate. 

Then, two years ago, my first pet passed away.  I had rescued her when she was only a few weeks old and managed to get away with raising a kitten in my college dorm most of my time there. Being like a mother to her for all these years had somehow allowed me to cope with my buried feelings and sadness, and had been one of the predominant things keeping me here.

The weekend that she passed away, in a moment of raw emotion, I finally was able to come out to my wife. It took her a little while to be able to comprehend what I was experiencing and be able to understand, but ever since that day the amount of care, compassion, support, and most of all pure, genuine love that she has radiated towards me only just confirms that she is absolutely the most amazing, caring, wonderful person that I know.

The greatest blessing of all absolutely came from the rekindled love that my wife and I feel towards each other. Once I was finally able to live as my true self, and not just a shell of a person, the pure joy and happiness I now  feel and have been able to reflect towards others only just continues to grow, and brightens my spirit every day.

While relishing in this newfound joy I was feeling getting to show the world my true colors, my wife and I finally felt ready to have a discussion about starting a family. Suddenly, I realized the only thing that had kept me from wanting to have children in the past  was my struggle to keep this secret about being trans buried forever, and a fear that my child would find out and their life would be impacted in a traumatic way.

But now, no longer feeling like a shell of a person, I knew I was going to be able to show our child the love, nurturing, and care that they deserved. In fact, I am even better equipped now to raise my baby with a beautiful awareness and understanding of the world, and provide them an upbringing that not only values, but prioritizes love, understanding, and a respect for all living things.

* i love my sponsors!!! * 

- AirVuz

- Armattan

*** GEAR ***

~~ KWAD ~~

- Armattan Chameleon Ti

- GoPro Hero 9 Black 

~~ RADIO ~~

- FrSky Taranis X9D / M9 Gimbals

- TBS Crossfire Micro TX

- TBS Diamond Antenna

~~ GOGGLES ~~

- Fatshark Dominator HD3

- RapidFire Goggle Module

- TrueRC MX-AIR Dual-Patch Antenna Array

*** Music ***

Avicii - Silhouettes

https://youtu.be/6VJBBUqr1wM

(* This version of the song is from the official music video, which portrays receiving gender-affirming surgery in a positive light, and this is so important for those who don't struggle with gender-dysphoria to see)

APEK - Upside Down (Massive Vibes Remix)

https://soundcloud.com/adventofficial/apek-upside-down-massive-vibes-remix